Monday, September 28, 2009 Y 9/28/2009 01:27:00 AM
I pmed dar tonight because i too miss chatting wif dar.
Usually when you online, i didnt pm u is because everytime when i do, my heart will ache more.
When i chat wif dar, i feel happy and also feel heart ache.
Bao bei told me i am still your maple dar.
My heart stopped.
Bt i am happy that dar didnt divorce in maple, and happy that im still ur maple dar.
Bao bei asked me why i never on maple le.
Not cause i cant on.
Is because when i on, my tears will come out and my heart will hurt again.
I dont know why.
Anyway im happy that dar chatted wif me tonight.
Although it was not a long chat.
Around few minutes.
It was still a happy chat.
I will do anything for u dar.
MUACK.
I Love u.
Waiting and Waiting for dar.
Everyday.
Everynight.
Every second.
Every hour.
Sunday, September 27, 2009 Y 9/27/2009 10:33:00 PM
My mom slapped me and scold me again.
I told her i wanted to rejoin college as i am not ready yet.
She was so angry... she said jst because im influenced by my friends so i want to rejoin.
But that is not true.. I really am not ready...
She yelled at me "GET OUT OF MY ROOM"
So i cried and said " FINE. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME ANYWAY!"
Haix..
If only bao bei was here to hug me...
I really feel want to die...
My eyes will be like goldfish tomorrow...
She said im wasting her money..
then fine.. dont pay for my school fee.. i dont want to study anymore.
I rather become poor...
Today.. i went to midvalley...
When i passed MPH, memories keep come into my mind..
Memories of me and dar.
The place that we met.
I also passed the chicken rice shop.
I remember that time at night, dar and I wanted to go dinner so we wanted to go to that restaurant but it was full. Most restauraunt was full.
So at last we ate at the Thai restaurant in the Gardens.
I dont care if my mom scold me.
I want and will go from the january intake.
Even if she beat me until i bleed i wont listen to her...
She always hit me anyway..
Using her clothes hanger..
Sometimes even with the kitchen stiring wooden stick.
Beat until red.
I dont care about her...
She dont understand me anyway..
No one does..
Im born to be unlucky.
Born to die early.
Hehe seeing dar online in that acc makes me feels like dream come true.
Still waiting for the day dar come back o.
My head hurts more now.
I still dont want to take my medications!
I love you bao bei Johnson.
Born to be unlucky.
Born to die early.
Saturday, September 26, 2009 Y 9/26/2009 11:33:00 PM
I locked myself in my room.
I dont want mama to see me..
I feeel very cold now.
I didnt take any medications.
I want the condition to get worser..
Sorry dar, i donno what happened just now o, typed too fast then type dao wrong de,maybe used to it...:
I can do anything for bao bei de.
I help bao bei.
I want help bao bei.
Muack..
Waiting for another chance.i will always love.
Still keeping my promiseI love you
Y 9/26/2009 10:17:00 PM
Johnson BaoBei .
I miss you so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much..
At Taiwan i also bought Baobei: a small towel thing that is in a cake packing.
^_^
happy to buy gift for dar...Just waiting. For the day:when my wish comes true.
My mom just scolded me again.
Everyday.. Throwing her temper at me. Eventhough im very weak.ill.
Bao bei rem this ^_^.
i still keep it. never erased it off.
When i came back to malaysia, the first thing i did was check if my maid washed the pajamas that has dar de smell.
That time i couldnt find it and started to be angry, she folded it inside with my other pajamas, I was so angry so
i scolded her.But still have dar de smell. So i still happy.
I didnt really do anything much today.
Just doing same thing.
Waiting for dar to come back.Praying to God.
O and i just remember something.
The night before i go to hospital, I saw a shining star up the sky.
It was really bright and pretty.
I wish dar can pei me kan xing xing (watch the stars with me)When i first saw the shining star, I made a wish: Please make Johnson Bao Bei come back to me..
I love you.
I miss you.
I need you.
I want you.
I wait you.
Friday, September 25, 2009 Y 9/25/2009 07:37:00 PM
the 4 calls were accident..
Haix.
Its ok ba.
At least my phone has dar de miss call record.
I remembered on the way to KLIA airport, I saw sign boards heading to Nilai.
My heart was aching in the car.
My mom was next to me, so i turned to one side to pretend I was sleeping because i didnt want her to see me dripping tears.
I rem on the way to the hospital, I saw a shop name JOHNSON.
I think inside sold the treadmills.(running machines)
The word JOHNSON was so big and bold.
Reminded me of some sweet memories before i go into the~
Note: My own choices. Nothing to do with him.!
Waiting another day.
i love u..
I'm sorry for crying over you,
because I said I wouldn't.
But I didn't promise you that,
because I knew it would be a promise
I would never be able to keep.
Y 9/25/2009 03:08:00 PM
I am back. I kept my promise not to leave him.Forever.
Feel very weak now.
I still love him.
He called me 4 times.
I feel very unlucky that when he called me, i wasnt there to pick it up.
I would be so happy if i could hear his voice again.
I thought maybe there was a chance.
But when i came back to malaysia, turned msn: he called me suki.
I guess nothing changed.
I am still waiting for dar.
MUACK.
I bought a cute pen, one for dar and one for me.
Love is when you can't stop looking at him,
even if he'll never look back
Thursday, September 17, 2009 Y 9/17/2009 11:14:00 AM
im leaving now.I love u bao bei.ill come back to u.
I woke up with tears rolling down again.
Missing dar so much.
I went to the computer and saw dar msned me 6:52a.m.
Dar wished me good luck.
Good sign?
Maybe.
Or maybe im just thinking too much.
I went to shower. Forgot to turn on the hot water button. So i just showered in cold water.
As the water drips on me, memories of dar came out.
I remembered that time, when i shower in dar house, dar got told me before that the water will be really cold and dar even wanted to boil hot water for me to shower.
Dar is really sweet. But i didnt want dar to be troubling to boil it for me. I love you.
See people.. i told you he is not a bad guy ok. He even donated money to people.
When i showered cold water in dar house, dar would hug me. So i would be warm.
Today. when i showered cold water, i stayed cold. No more warm hugs.
I read back my sms. As i read them, more tears started to fall.
After that day.
I never deleted a single message he sent me.
Even hurting ones.
Because he is still my dar anyway.
Total message i kept from him is : 139
I know that number will never decrease as i wont delete any of them.
But i dont know if that number will increase.
Haix.
I am glad that dar told me that last night he didnt reply me is because he slept.
Time is ticking and my heart is beating really fast.
Why does bad things have to happen to me?
Maybe that is the plan of my life.
But no matter what ill still be waiting dar to come back to me.
Just now i had to take something from the bag i brought to dar de house.
My dar ached more as i was searching for this.
I gave up on searching the thing.
Put back the bag.
Ill be wearing the necklace everyday in Taiwan.
I will wait you o.
MUACK dar.
I wish you can say I love you to me right now.
When you love him - truly love him,
how are you supposed to get over him?
I've tried everything possible ...
but I just can't. Isn't that what true love is?
